Am I Alienating My Child?

Filed Under: Family Life

My son is almost 8.  He has never seen a marvel movie, he has never seen episode 1,2,or 3 of Star Wars and he is not allowed to watch any shows on Cartoon Network or Sponge Bob.  He also has never seen or heard of skylanders, and we don’t have anything minecraft (gasp!)

Am I causing him to be alienated by his peers by giving him these strict viewing rules?  Am I giving him nothing to talk about with his friends from church and school? Probably.  

But I am not sorry.  There I said it!  I AM NOT SORRY!!!!!  

Sorry, I'm not sorry

I remember when I was 8, I was outside playing kickball with my brothers.  We were talking about where we would go next to play hide and seek.  My brothers talked a bit about guns or did some mock ninja fighting.  We weren’t allowed to say “butt” *don’t tell my mom I just said that* or crap.  Even with 4 brothers and no sisters, I had NEVER seen any movies or cartoons that had the level of language or violence of any of those movies or shows.

Kids now are saying cuss words at age 3 while their parents sit and laugh.  Parents are staging pictures of their babies with beer bottles and kids in kindergarten are talking about PG 13 and rated R movies that they watched with their families!

What has happened to our society?  When did it become ok to show little innocent minds such clutter?  When did it become acceptable to “be whoever you want to be” and leave your child to learn from your example?  When did we are parents loose the ability to teach morals and manners to our children.  

Braxton

Is it any wonder that the world has become what it has.  no one has the ability to show respect when they don’t agree.  They think that to be able to love someone you have to agree with EVERYTHING they do.  

Newsflash… you don’t have to agree to show respect.  Heck, you don’t even have to agree to show tolerance.  You don’t have to be a bad example to our child.  And most of all we, as adults, can teach the future generation to have manners, to love and respect the human race and to have strong morals in this world.

I am not sorry for my child not knowing what those things, mostly because I am keeping him pure.  Rather then fill his mind with the filth and clutter of those shows, I am filling it with books where he learns to be polite, I am filling him with the ability to think for himself and make judgements for himself of what is right and wrong.  I am giving him the space to build and explore with his hands rather then with a keyboard and a computer screen.

Now don’t get me wrong, he does things on the computer.  He does his math, he plays educational games and yes Minecraft can be educational, but I would rather he use his hands and his legos in his lego towers to build those towns and act out the story. 

Braxton and Kiley

It is time that we as parents really own up to what we teach our kids.  This next generation is going to fight some of the biggest battles and have the hardest fights with sin.  We are responsible to teach them them how to make good choices, recognize the spirit and be responsible for the person they are and the choices they make.  

So I wont apologize for giving my kids morals.   I wont apologize for keeping their mind pure. I wont be sorry for their lack of ability to talk about these things with their friends, because really if they are only able to talk about that he doesn’t need to be their friend. I am not sorry that he knows more about legos and building with them then the average kid his age.  And I will not allow my kids to disrespect others just because they don’t agree with them.  

I wont ever change my mind about doing these things either, because I was raised by parents who taught me to love and be ok if someone didn’t agree with me.  I was taught to stand up for what I knew to be right no matter what.  And I was taught to always be different if it means you are choosing the right.  I will always value that and I will pass that on to my children too.

12 Comments
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Comments

  1. Tami Rasmussen says:

    AMEN!!! It’s so hard and I think it gets harder when they go to school. I cannot believe some of the things that Cody comes home with. I am so glad its summer and he has a chance to be a kid and play A LOT more than he did this year! Hope you are doing well.

    • Thanks for your comments Tami! We are doing great! I am loving it up here. If we could just sell everything and could get all the boxes unpacked life would wonderful!!!

  2. Whatever prompted this post/rant I am curious about. That being said, I support you wholeheartedly in your position. I believe the world would be a much better place if more parents thought as you do. Kudos to you! Your children are very very fortunate to have you for a mom.

    • Thank you for your comments Rust! I appreciate the support. I have always been aware that I was a bit different in my thinking then others. but I often hear from others about the fact that I am doing a disservice to my children by protecting their thoughts. In recent months I have come to the understanding that I am totally ok with people thinking that way about me and my family. I felt the desire to share it because I know there are others who have the same views as me and I wanted them to know that it is ok to be that way and to make that choice. I think people are a bit too critical of each other at times and i think we need to learn that respect doesn’t mean you do things the same. You can have differences and not be in competition with each other all the time!

  3. I agree and I disagree, Melissa.

    I think you’re over romanticizing your own childhood. You speak as if the world has fallen apart within a generation and everything we grew up with was clean and pure and wonderful. It wasn’t. I can show you photos from the 1800s where people posed their kids with beer and cigarettes.

    I admire what you’re doing. I think your intentions are right on. A parent can totally decide to raise their kid however they want. So good luck. Just watch out for throwing stones where sin doesn’t exist. Other parents aren’t raising their kids wrong because you think you’re raising your kids right.

    I call this lack of perspective on the influences we grew up with “Greatest Generation Syndrome”. The idea that there was another time that was better than this time. It’s not true. Crime always existed, pornography always existed, lying and cheating and everything else bad that humanity perpetuates has always existed. That you think you’re responding something new is not accurate.

    I could expand on this “Greatest Generation Syndrome” idea but here’s the gist. When was the ‘golden age’ when people were decent and everything was great?

    Was it in the 1800s? When most people went to church? But we still had slaves? And women had no rights? Was it then?

    Or was it after that? Turn of the century? After we freed the slaves? But women couldn’t vote or own land? When kids worked in factories?

    Or was it after women could vote but couldn’t be paid the same in the workplace? Or was it the 50′s? The Greatest Generation years? When Jim Crow laws existed? And women couldn’t report rape?

    The problem is there is no point or era in history that we were the best. The point from which we declined.

    We as parents are not against the world. We are the world. You have a website dedicated to posting deals from the world. You advertise for Walmart. One of the evils of the modern world.

    I admire your dedication as a parent. But you probably have many friends that are Skylander/Marvel/Star Wars/Minecraft moms and dads. And they’re good parents, too.

    I just admonish caution. It’s easy to blame the Other. To point fingers at influences. The people making Skylander toys are probably good people. They probably have kids, too. They were probably excited to design some cool new toy for their kids. There’s nothing evil in that. It’s just someone else’s world.

    • Thanks for your comments James! I agree with you. It has been around forever. But it is more accessible to us and our children more now then it has ever been. So we have to be more careful and aware of what is happening.

      I didn’t call Skylander/Marvel/Star Wars/Minecraft bad, but I am limiting my child to not seeing some parts of it until he is older and it is more appropriate for his age. Skylander and Minecraft I just would rather he play with other more constructive games and toys. If another parent thinks it is appropriate for their child then that is fine. I have no problem with other kids playing with those things. And for the record we are a Star Wars family. We have a lot of Star Wars things and I don’t mind the movies. I just want to limit his viewing the violence until he is older.

      The reference to the things I am not filling his head with is the PG13 and rated R content things. The adult content that I feel kids of his age should not see.

  4. I went back to school at 42 for my masters, Melissa. I was _shocked_ to hear some of the things said in class by kids half my age. The group think was incredible …it was as if no one dared offer any opinion or input that deviated in the slightest from what everyone else thought or what they _thought) everyone else thought. There were days when it seems I was amongst brainwashed robots.

    I realized very quickly that all they needed was one voice to speak up and out, a voice that differed from the politically-correct mindset that permeates most campuses today. That voice was mine, and boy oh boy did I have fun bucking the PC line in class discussions. To my surprise, other kids began speaking up also, quiet kids who later told me my voice gave them the courage to express their own.

    Your post tells of a woman with leadership qualities. Use your voice. You speak true and clear and your position speaks of a recognition of rightness. (Yes, there definitely are absolutes when it comes to right and wrong; the moral relativism in our culture is so damaging ….and it is taught hard in our schools.) Your children are yours to steer as you wish ….this world will desperately need leaders when they are grown and able to carry your banner.

    You have my support and admiration.

  5. Rachel Boyd says:

    I agree with all of this. I couldn’t comment on Facebook so I will do ot here. I completely disagree with someone’s post where they said “I dont care how other people raise there kids” I do! I care! I have three girls and I dont want them to go to school and get picked on OR heaven forbid face a school shooting. I realize that everyone has their own choices to make but this world is changing, there is good but there is a lot of bad. I worry for my kids.

    • Thank you for your words Rachel! I also care. I think people don’t think of others enough and how their choices effect others. We need to stop thinking so much about ourselves and start thinking about others around us and consider that in our choices. I don’t watch a lot of things during the day because I don’t want my kids to see it. I don’t say things I don’t want them to say. We have to remember that a lot of our choices effect others more then we think it will.

  6. Hmmm….. I agree with about 95% of this. :-)

    Where I differ, I guess is here:
    “Newsflash… you don’t have to agree to show respect.”

    I’m not sure how this can possibly be a good thing. If my kids aren’t going to learn respect from my modeling and demonstrating it, can I be surprised if they don’t ever learn it?

    I’m trying to figure out how that got into the same paragraph as “You don’t have to be a bad example to our child,” as if showing respect *is* being a bad example; to me, I would be a much worse example by NOT agreeing to show respect, let along actually showing it. Perhaps I’m misunderstanding your meaning?

  7. ….re-reading the part I had a question about, maybe it’s the wording; did you mean that “Newsflash… you don’t have to agree *in order to* show respect”? Because that would be an entirely different kettle of fish – and I agree with that 110%! :-)

    Sorry if I misunderstood the wording.

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